Fearful

Everyone has a time in their life where they feel overwhelmed. Where things seemed to do everything BUT go the way its supposed to. When you have this feeling of being overwhelmed it's quite difficult to find a clear solution to the way you are feelings. As someone that's been treated for Depression, Anxiety and Post Natal Depression I know the feelings I feel is not that way I should be feeling. I'm not one that believes in taking drugs for long period's of time, even if they are prescribed - cause i know myself... I have an addictive personality and I won't be able to stop or live without them. But This feeling does need to go away. These thought in my head need to find a new place. It feels as though my brain is at war... a War, in my world...

My world is one of many colours, shades, tastes, textures and moods. I can't be summed up within a sentence. It takes a while to get to know me, understand where I'm coming from and where my heart lies. It takes a while. When I meet people, they tend to latch on to either my friend or my husband and befriends them first. Apparently I come across as scary and intimidating. When I heard this, wow did my heart not crack a little. I'm not a hard arse person, even though I do portray this persona as a defense to myself. It's worked well for me... but... I don't protect myself from my loving and caring for my husband and kids... and they shred me...
They had ripped me. I feel broken. I can't explain it really... cause as soon as i want to type what is in my head my MIND RACES all over the place and i have no idea where to even start and what i must say and what i shouldn't...

So here I am, Fearful

I've learnt in the last week that you should never doubt yourself and when you make a decision it should be something that you stick too. Oh but how thing hurt when it's not right for you and you know it...

Staying strong while fearful... this week's challenge it seems

Neen