Reflection on Depression in a conversation

Reflection on Depression in a conversation...

I started having a conversation with someone and this was the topic... they asked me about my depression and if i still had it... and they know i suffered from it... all this is true... they asked me about meds, and if i'm on any... 

the answer, i'm not on any meds... but i shared this with her and thought it's a great topic to share with you all... let me know if you disagree.

 

I’m not sure about drugs and stuff but I can tell you what helped for me.

Negativity: I cut out the people that was negative and disruptive and mean – it was hard! Cause I’m not one to write off friends… but it really made a difference. Not just for me but for those people too, cause the realized how they were acting and that’s its not a good thing (well only 2 people did that, the other few still very degrading people)

Focus: I focused on what important (me, family, friends, kids, house, sanity) and didn’t give a tosser what people said. I didn’t just pretend to not care, because we do this, but honestly let it go and became a bit selfish for myself. I needed to. I seemed to go out of my way to please everyone else. I needed to fixate on me for a while.

Breathed: I really had to force myself to calm down and breathe (this really helps hey) and when I felt I was going to explode I vented on paper (so that I didn’t vent on the people that don’t deserve it (eg. Kids, parents, nico, family, friends). THIS is hard for me, I’ll be honest cause I sometimes just don’t breathe and get sooo frustrated I wanna burst and then as I start… I’m blessed to have a husband that stops me. He says “Oi, focus… listen to yourself… stop…” I used to get upset with him saying these things, but I understand now where it’s coming from.

And lastly

I realized that I’m not being productive and I need to change my approach otherwise I am not going to be able to function the way I should. So I decided to think more positively (this is very hard for me) and to see how good my life actually is and be more grateful. And I battle with this on a daily basis because I’m a sufferer of depression and anxiety.

For a while (2003 – beginning 2005) I didn’t really go out / party/ braai etc. I chilled, acted, danced, performed on stage and focused on getting myself right and taught myself how to ASK for help! And then – my strength got put to the test when I met Nico. MAN did I battle to keep it together but after a few months… he helped me more than you’ll ever know. EVEN though he says I was helping him and pulling him to sort out his life and get focused… he helped me realize that I’m not weak and actually a flippen strong person. Stronger than I ever though possible.

You need to realize and make your decisions and actually STICK to it. ~ this is tufffff (I know you spell tough like that) ;)

It starts with you… this is the best START of advice I can give you… look in the mirror at yourself and really look… if you love and truly love yourself unconditionally with whatever flaws you ‘think’ you have (with me It’s my ugly lips, stretch marks and fatness)

In spite of my flaws – I’m happy with me. I’m happy with who I am.

Get there… then branch out and look around you. You haven’t realized how awesome you are, talented too… so don’t stress about stuff too much if you have the right people in your life and you have made your choices right things will fall into place, Because if you will see it will come right when you get your mind right J

Another Lesson life has taught me thus far.

Neen