Thoughts on Friends

In the last few weeks, emotionally up and down. Been thinking alot and reflecting...

Taking stock of your life and everyone that’s in it seems to something that you start to do when you realise (and this only happens through experience) who is actually worth the effort.

I’ve had many many friends in my 31 years of life... plenty to tell the truth... let me elaborate:

I remember primary school – generally only from Grade 3 (Std 1 as I remember it – now I sound old) – we moved here from George and got put into a new school. There was 1 other Girl who started with me the same day in class. Her name was Rika Roodman. We were the “new kids” and I won’t say that the kids were overly mean to us but they kept their distance pretty much the whole year. The following year we started to “belong” in the class and we (Rika & I) made more friends. In Grade 5 (Std 3) two new kids arrived – there might have been more I’m not sure – and the kids started teasing them and no-one wanted to be there friend. Being who I am I accepted them remembering how awkward it was to be the new kid. I hung out with them and Rika and primary school progressed. I was a podgy fat kid – a tom-boy of note. Bmx-ing, playing cricket and rugby. My cousin came to visit in Grade 7 from Saldahna and he wanted to play pool. So we went down the local cafe that had a pool table that we “kids” could play at (considering we were only 12 and 13 years old, it’s not like we could go into a pub). One of the boys in my class was there and he was surprised to see me – quiet, kept to myself, awkward me - there with a boy! I have to smile when I think about those days...

I might not have been best friends with everyone in my class, but I got on with most them… most of all the boys and girls (better with the boys – the girls were all hung up on boys, make-up and clothes to me really boring. Anyway... I never had a ‘boyfriend’ I had friends-that-were-boys. I was cool with that.

I got into arguments and fights (yes hair pulling, stay out my face bitch – fights) because these prissie pretty girls honestly thought that when I hung out with the boys they liked, I liked them and were getting their way or something – flip it pissed me off. THOSE boys didn’t look at me like that because frankly I was the ugliest girl in class. Then high school came about...

In our community there are two primary schools and 1 high school. So you go to grade 8 and you get intertwined with NEW kids from other school and the CLICKY groups starts. Kids from the same school stick together... EXCEPT that I was chucked into a class with only 2 friends (when I say friends I mean from my previous class... not that we hung out in primary school) from my school. So there I was thinking – when is break time – so can just feel like I’m not sinking. The first week was the toughest... but then something happened. Those boys in my class weren’t monsters and they chatted to me, I made new girl friends from the other school and my friends in the other classes were my friends too...

One thing about friends are certain – they are like the weather, ever changing, unpredictable and you might know what is in store for you but it catches you off guard and surprises you... sometime you slip in the rain and hurt yourself or burn in the sun but you’ll always have the weather everywhere you go.

Same with friends, you don’t have to just stick to the ones you know and have had for a while; new friends are always welcome... for me that is. Meeting new people and making new friends and learning different cultures all part and parcel about being human. I’ve been out of school for over 14 years now and I still have my friends from Primary School and High School that hang out with me today. I have the bestest friends ever. And I think it’s for a few reasons why I’m so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people.  I’ve chosen the people I have as friends well. People that are real and not pretending to something they are not. I don’t associate myself with people that do drugs, are violent and that are just horrible mean people... and in saying that I’m learning that most people are not mean and horrible it’s the situation they find themselves in through the decisions they make to be the problem. I do not ever declare that I’m prefect and without a flaw, there is no person on this planet of ours that is infallible. What I’m purely saying is that people make mistakes... I’ve made mistakes. I’ve been friends/ made friends/ had friends that I truly believed to similar to me. People that have helped me, stood by me through times of emotional crisis ~ yeah I know what you are thinking but as a girl you have times of emotional crisis even if everyone else thinks is insignificant~ people that I thought would be there with me for my life; people that have disappeared and lost themselves in a relationship or choice they’ve made. People that now I don’t see or communicate with the same as I used too... and I miss them. I’ve through this new age of social networking and the internet keeping in contact with people are so much easier and possible. Now because of that we’ve had to learn new ways to keep our lives safe from people that are out there with the sole purpose to hurt you. I’m only friends with people I know, I’ve met and sussed out to see if they are really someone I’d like to call friend and that’s the point I reckon. There is a twist though... what about those friends you were convinced will be your friends forever... what happens with they disappear and you find them? I tried to re-establish a friendship with a few guy friends and girl friends of mine that I’ve lost contact with over the years. Sometimes it works and its awesome, sometimes... sometimes... it’s a nightmare! This makes me sad and i’ve taken these instances personally and I know I shouldn’t... I know this now. My amazing husband actually taught me this – A hard lesson to learn I must just say. I’m not the type of person that “writes” off people. I believe in people and believe that they are good and understanding. I believe that if you’ve cared about someone once, you’ll always have space in your heart for them. I mean that Always!

Divorced couples will always have a place in each other’s hearts – regardless if they can’t live together or love each other. You’ve shared a part of yourself with them. Friends to me are the same... I have a huge heart and there is enough space for the world to be in my heart. I love my husband. I never thought you could feel so much for another person... but you know what... my children fill my heart with love so much love and each one’s love is the same – equally... We were made in such an amazing way that sharing yourself and your love with the people around you makes life so much more worthwhile. I share who I am with my friends. I love them. I care for them. I do what I possibly can for them. Does this make me gullible? Co-dependent on other people? A goody too shoes? People pleaser? To those who have said yes – FO!

You know what I’ve learnt...

I don’t justify myself to my friends, they accept me – NOT co-dependent

I don’t listen to friends trying to justify themselves to me... I accept my friend’s decisions as it’s their own life they are leading and they have to be happy with themselves

I don’t associate myself with fake people and if my friends lie to me, don’t trust me – it’s AGAIN their decision and I feel comfortable enough to challenge them and view my opinion and thoughts to them... BECAUSE they are my friends they will accept my opinion, not judge me as I don’t judge them and won’t hold a grudge against me as I don’t hold a grudge against them.

You know what else I’ve learnt...

As in relationships... friends argue and fight... disagreements… LEARNING TOOLS I think people. If you don’t allow yourself to voice your feeling and opinions, fears and hesitations to your friends how else would they know you actually give a tosser about them.

It’s all about the learning. Cause every day we get up and walk in our life, we are attending another lesson in the school of life.

Neen.